I am becoming more and more ambivalent about relationships. Since Nadia and I split up 8 months ago, I have been through quite a few stages of grief and loss, and then back through again. But somewhere around two months ago, I quit trying to reconcile our marriage (there are only so many times you can reasonably hear the word No) as the emotional cost to both of us was too much.

Around the same time I began to think, or try to think, about the possibility of romantic ties to other women. Not an easy thing to do, as really my interest levels were low, with the exception of one person. Now I find that I am pretty disinterested all-round, something I can only attribute to the process of grieving. I am kind of glad really, because truly I need a period of singleness after so many years of relationships.

Another factor is clearly my recommitment to God, an epiphany that comes as a surprise to me. Regaining my faith (but only by the mercy and grace of God) has been such a blessing. It is a long road that I am on, and this is just the retracing footsteps to the basecamp that I abandoned years ago. I don't plan quitting this time. It's just too important.