trends

LIfe is never a smooth or constant stream. I think the closer you come to a kind of harmony, the more other things conspire (inadvertently, that is) to pull you off balance. I know that there are exceptions, though, as they say, they tend to prove the rule. It's strange that I keep finding out about people in our local community who have cancer. It feels like an epidemic though it may just be the demographic....late middle-aged folks on the whole. But its still puzzling and disturbing.

What part modern living plays in this scenario is less certain. Okay, smoking is a relatively modern practice and is now well documented as being dangerous. Exposure to chemicals from industrial and farming techniques may also be a culprit. Stress too. The pace of life. The nexus between producer and production. IT burnout. Hmmm. Who knows?

Some people manage to deal with stress and life's inevitable wobbles better than others. I am one of the others. Stress and anxiety do rather bad things to my body and my mind. I am not usually calm under sudden pressure. I have written before about having a panic disorder which has come and gone for nearly twenty years. Luckily I have a great book and some experience now at coming through each episode (which can last for months at a time) and I have never been afflicted in the way I first was.

With hindsight, a new job in a hyper-stressful occupation (teaching) and below average self-esteem made the onset of this disorder more likely. What I need to learn now is acceptance, that some things can't be changed. Memory is simply too powerful. And, to live more in the moment, rather than at some distance in the future. A day at a time, and with gratitude.

I have a lovely wife and a beautiful son.