Today, the first swoop of the Magpie Season! It wasn't a full-feathered, beak-snapping swoop - rather, a kind of flyby, more of a warning than anything else, a 'keep-out' notice, if you like. I happened to have an umbrella with me, the day being unsettled, and I raised it in protest at the bird's impudence.

Of course, the poor magpie is only doing what nature has instructed it - protect the newly born in the nearby nest - so I shouldn't quibble with such a noble parental instinct. No magpie that I know of has smoked weed, gotten drunk, shot through or otherwise acted against the interests of the hatchling. That dubious honour is reserved for another species.

So well-done, you vicious bird, on doing your duty!