Wednesday, November 12, 2008

not black and white

I have a sharp tongue that comes from, well, I'm not quite sure. But the seeds of that sharpness certainly come out of my teens, that period of restless uncertainty, a place of shadows and fitful growth. The taunts and scrapes can have a lifetime impact.

So discovering that you are good at something (in my case, words) means that you have a compensation for all the fears, real or imagined. Or for the circumstances in which you find yourself at the time. A problem emerges when an inferiority complex flips into extroversion. A shy person can appear to be an arrogant egotist, though the truth is really quite different.

I don't mean to use sharp words or sarcasm but it's out of my mouth before the mind has comprehended the deed. That's not an excuse and never can be. Of course, this tendency gets me into trouble fairly regularly and sometimes quite seriously.

There really is no place for hard words when they are directed at the people you love most. I'm sorry that I spoke harshly to Nadia recently and upset her so. It's just not good enough and I have more work to do. A lot more.

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