I think I have mentioned a few times that I suffer from varying degrees of anxiety. Generally, matters are under control but now and then,I have glimpses of the kind of anxiety that dominated the middle years of my twenties. Anyone who has endured panic syndromes will understand what I am talking about and those events, feelings and thoughts of 25 years ago have left an abiding shadow. The shadow is glimpsed, the sensations and compulsive automatic thoughts rekindled, however briefly. Its never been so intense as it was in those days and I do have processes that I can follow - self-administered therapeutic interventions, if you like.
Falling back into anxiety is quite easy and getting out usually means weeks or months of re-learning everything that I have learnt before. Imagine having to relearn the alphabet every time you were reluctantly pushed into competing in a spelling bee. The material is familiar but the connections don't make any sense. And almost always, you are the next on stage.
It never gets any easier. Never.
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