let me count the ways

I print out in full the lyrics to an Alanis Morrissette song called '21 things I want in a lover.' For some time now I've been wanting to put myself to the test - do I measure up to Ms Morrissette's exacting criteria on an acceptable lover? I don't always think that the answers are as simple as yes or no, but in pop music, I suppose, subtlety is an optional extra. There are very few caveats. I am therefore allowing half points where criteria might reasonably allow for it, under the circumstances. For example, being up for sex three times a week is easy when you first meet someone, though less easy as time passes beyond the honeymoon glow.

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds? .5 (usually)
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition? 1
Do you have a big intellectual capacity? 1.
But know that it alone does not equate wisdom 1.

Do you see everything as an illusion? .5 (not everything is..)
But enjoy it even though you are not of it? 1.
Are you both masculine and feminine 1.
Politically aware, and don't believe in capital punishment? 1 + 1

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that 1
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? .5
Are you funny? A la self-deprecating 1 + 1
Like adventure and have many formed opinions 0 + 1

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry, I could wait forever
I'm in no rush 'cause I like being solo
No worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed more than three times a week .5 + .5 (now come on!)=1
Up for being experimental? .5
Are you athletic? Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? 1 + 1
Are you not addicted? 1

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice of the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

Hmm 17 out of 21. Not too bad. Have a go yourself.