That Nobel Prize For Harold Pinter

The Garret.

(At the Pinter Garret in London)

(A doorbell sounds downstairs. Long pause)

(A doorbell sounds again. Another pause)

(Sound of ascending footsteps. Pause. A knock at the garret door. Pause)

Pinter: Come in.

(Pause) (Door opens to reveal dishevelled postie/tramp)

Postie: I've got something for you mister.

Pinter: Oh, yes.

Postie: I had to wait downstairs.

Pinter: Ah

Postie: I waited a long time.

Pinter: I see.

Postie: There's blacks in this neighbourhood.

(pause)

Postie: I've got this paper.

Pinter: You have a paper?

Postie: It's got foreign writing.

(Pause)

Postie: Never did like foreigners.

(Pause)

Postie: 'Neally wore out these shoes climbing them stairs.

Postie: Gotta have a good pair of shoes.

(Pause)

Postie: For me job.

Pinter: Oh, you work, do you?

Postie: I work. Course I work. I call it work.

(Pause)

Postie: Stands to reason that I work.

(Pause)

Pinter: I might have an opening here.

Postie: Didn't say I was looking for work.

Pinter: But you dont have a job?

Postie: Course I do. Maybe I'd like a change.

(Pause)

Pinter: What do you know about sheds?

Postie: Well, sheds, now, look mister, I'm not sure that sheds are my area.

Pinter: Didn't you say that you were builder?

Postie: I, well, now look here, I'm no builder.

Pinter: But you came up my stairs.

Postie: I'm not saying I couldnt knock something up. Gotta have the tools.

Pinter: Where are your tools?

(Pause)

Pinter: You don't have any tools, do you?

Postie: I've got tools. Lots of em. But you cant carry tools in this neighbourhood. Have you seen them blacks?

Pinter: How are you going to get on in the world?

Postie: I get on. I've got a good setup. Man 'round the corner gave me some shoes. Nice fit too.

(Pause)

Postie: Need good shoes for me job. (pause) I'm well set up. (pause) I've handled tools with the best of 'em. (pause) Got this paper here.

(pause)

Pinter: You're a complete imposter arent you?

Postie: What, who, me? Now look here...

Pinter: You come here pretending to be someone you're not.

Postie: I never said.

Pinter: You dont know a thing about shed contruction at all.

Postie: Well, sheds, look..

Pinter: You had better get out...

Postie: Well, I, what about the tiling...

Pinter: I don't need any tiling. I want you out of here.

Postie: Now look here. Promises were made. I climbed them stairs...

Pinter: You'd better get out now. (Pinter begins making the sound of a vacuum cleaner)

Postie: I've got this paper. (Over rising vacuum cleaner sounds) Promises made.....stairs....need new shoes.....them blacks......

(Exit terrified Postie pursued by pause)

Curtain.