The feeling of overwhelming sadness and loss, something which pervades my existence at the moment, has moments of joy, too.
Last night I finally sat down with Nadia to watch As It Is In Heaven, the Swedish movie that just about everybody raves about. Nadia has wanted me to watch it with her for years and I always declined, not because I didn't want to see a great movie, especially with her, but because it had scenes that I thought I would find too confronting. But now that our marriage is over, I wanted to see it. And with Nadia. No-one else.

Sensitive, beautifully shot and cleverly constructed, As It Is In Heaven leaves me largely without anything to say. I mean, I am at a loss to describe my reaction to it because language is inadequate. On an emotional level, it soars between hope and despair. It confronts the meaning of love, the central purpose of music, the nature of community, the complexity of faith. But it is also ephemeral and illusive. That which creates also destroys, though destruction, as in death, is not to be feared. The final scene goes beyond any experience I have had in cinema.

So, thank you Nadia, for persisting with me. And I'm sorry Nadia, that I didn't say 'yes' when we were man and wife, and not just friends, as we are now.