I have been writing letters to Nadia for a few months now. Letters of apology and sorrow. Letters of love and remembrance. Letters that express my hope, faint though it is, of reconciliation. Nadia has never directly replied to any of these. Today I pushed a little, hoping that my most recent letter of two days ago might have shifted her views, just a little.

The truth is that Nadia feels pretty much the same as she did three months ago. She doesn't want to be with me anymore , not as husband and wife. She can't get past the events of last year and wants a fresh start. No history.

It's hard for me to be give up the little light of hope that has burned, however dimly, this year. It has been such an important focus for getting through each day and has directed so much thinking and energy. Sadly, I don't really have any choice anymore. I have to accept what I cannot change. I love Nadia with all my heart and would do anything for her but I can't be a fool and live a deluded existence.

May God bless my wife and little boy.